Over the years, I’ve written a few blogs and articles whereas the subject matter is communication. Specifically, written examples of miscommunication between people or loved ones. It’s a personal irritation of mine. I don’t mind calling out people and family members who don’t communicate with me or each other. Or, at the very least do a piss-poor job of it.
One example of personal communication is the WikiLeaks release of the Hillary Clinton Campaigns emails. First of all the unreasonable assumption by some people to think that an email to a colleague or friend might not resurface to embarrass you is also naiveté. Especially if you are in a position of authority and you have an obligation to protect the reputation of a client. Secondly, it shows how confident Mr. Podesta was in revealing his inner thoughts about any subject to the person he was writing. That is a level of comfort we should all have with the people in which we surround ourselves.
Keeping in mind, that we could be wrong about the level of confidence we place in any person in our inner circle. The one thing I have learned about some people. They may be your ace-boon-coon today and might not speak to you tomorrow. And to your disillusionment leave you wondering what happened because you don’t recall any disagreement between the two of you. Later you accidently find out they stop speaking to you because their friend doesn’t like you. Or, they have misinterpreted something you did or said as an affront to them. Now…they don’t come to you with their accusation but choose to give you the silent treatment. Do you know anybody like that?
I keep telling anyone who will listen that if you want to know what I said, did or are thinking about on any subject, ask me. Don’t take the word of someone else, your friend or you because you grew up with them. There are people who will deliberately spread lies and rumors about you or I. Why; I do not know. It doesn’t matter because if you and I are tight, then you don’t have to hear or believe something someone said about me. You want to know, ask me. In the end, I am the all-knowing expert on the life and times of Codis Hampton II. Just as I am sure you are the expert on all things you. If I have a disagreement with you, someone else or have a question about an action you took, who better to answer my question? And you can bet your last dollar that I am going to have a conversation with you. I might add that I don’t care for a lot of drama in my environment either. So you can also bet that it will be a civil conversation. My point is family members, friends, and acquaintances lose a lot of valuable quality time trying to correct misunderstandings via some miscommunication.
Most people can tell or sense when they are involved in an open and honest conversation with a person who has no hidden agendas. They appreciate the person more for being up front with them. Personally, I feel that if you can’t ‘come correct’ then don’t bother to show up at all. Being a people person, I am at a time in my life where I don’t want to waste my time with people who are dishonest in words and or deeds. My only regret is I’ve wasted a lot of time with those type people in the past. I’m not mad at them…I just don’t want to be around them.
Having said, people change. I will give you an example of the Supervisor I had in Procurement. I’d heard so much about this lady being a mean person. Other purchasing agents warned me to walk lightly around this lady. She immediately liked me upon my assignment to her branch, especially after reviewing my working habits. We not only talked about work but I looked upon her as a wealth of knowledge. She was almost twice my age but still possessed all her procurement skills. She found out that I knew another employee in another branch that she didn’t like. She started acting funny toward me after she saw her sworn enemy and me laughing and joking with each other. In short, I had a meeting with her. I assured her that I wasn’t a gossiper and didn’t allow other people to pick my friends. And if we were going to have any issues along these lines, then let me put in for a transfer right this moment. We went on to be good friends, and I knew my place as her subordinate. I became her lead agent and went on to be Director of Small Purchasing with her recommendations.
There are also of numerous studies and books that say if you hang around a person on a daily basis, you will gradually become just like them and take on most of their beliefs. Think about that for a moment. Think about some of your closest friends. What are some of their personality traits that you would list as admirable qualities in a mature person? What about their annoying faults? Those same studies-books provide excellent corrective advice. The overall suggestion is for one to move on when they find that people in your inner circle are contributing to your stagnate growth as a person. Or if the person happens to be your mate, talk about it. If they love you, they will change their behavior towards you. Communication will allow them to understand the need for them to contribute toward your success.
There is no better feeling than having a love one, family member, or friend to which you can talk about any and everything. As well as having the comfort in knowing that person understands you and that understanding is reciprocated by you. It is essential that neither of you has personal agendas that tend to clog those lines of communication. They are not intimidated by your opinions or beliefs while confident you respect theirs as well. They also allow you to share your intimate thoughts with others while not becoming jealous or envious of your other friends or associates.
To be this kind of individual, one has to be comfortable in their skin. They must not let other people define them. There is a lot of false bravado in our society. We hear it all throughout the entertainment field. It is repeatedly stressed in the world of sports. Lately, we’ve heard it in our presidential election.
The Donald will tell anyone who listens what he has done to be successful, adding what he can successfully do for our country. He quickly adds what his opponent has not done for the country but what they have done for personal gain. He says he is the only one that can fix our problems. Then he communicates by past deeds, current rhetoric, and poor planning that he is a sham and not to be trusted. It is a mixed bag of communication. Nevertheless, he unintentionally or through some other means has shown us the real Donald Trump. A lot we’ve learned through visual communication (political news) rather than on a person to person level.
For the record, the true meaning of Communication is as follows; Exchange of information: The exchange of information between individuals, for example, by means of speaking, writing or using a common system or signs of behavior. Let’s not forget Rapport: A sense of mutual understanding and sympathy.
And finally, all I will say about family is that one is born into a family for life. It is not a title or placement to be used at your convenience. You really can’t divorce your family. Or treat other members as though they are from a strange land and are not privileged to be in your company. We all have family members who when listening to some of their rhetoric we ask, what is your name again? I can see the mistrust, misunderstanding, and miscommunication in my family. I’m sure you have experienced it in yours. As I tell you, and have told my sisters, my cousins, and all the rest. And as I’ve written in other articles, I am lucky to have been born to my late mother and father. Doreatha and Codis always had my best interest at heart. I stand proud to be called a Hampton and with cousins of different last names. Those who cannot look into their family for history that tells them who they are, shame on them. As long as I treat people as I would like to be treated, then I have a clear conscience. Because if family or friends choose to think otherwise of me or about you. Then shame on them. It is those individual who have the problem, not you or I. As the older folks say in church, don’t let people who could care less take you away from your joy.
Peace, make it a day in which Jesus Christ would be proud of you,
Codis Hampton II
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“In my latest book, Remember Moz, Gracie & John Hampton’s First-Born, I wanted to tell the world about a unique individual. Not because he happened to be my father but to explain who he was, where he came from, and how he evolved into the man he became up until his death. In doing so, I wrote of his ancestor’s roots back to and through the Civil War. The inclusion of his birth and upbringing in the heart of Arkansas, or Jim Crow country, add southern reluctance to learn why our country involved itself in a bloodthirsty four-year exercise in the first place? Then you begin to understand why our parents behaved the way that they did. See if I captured the essence of this paragraph.” Get the book via the Authors Page at http://outskirtspress.com/webPage/isbn/9781478766056
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